Loudon Wainwright Iii - Iwiwal

( spoken )
ok , so i’m riding around in this car with this woman that i’m close to a couple times A
week . and i’m noticing she’s looking out of the window and noticing other women , how
this one looks , isn’t her hair lovely? what a nice outfit . . .
i said , babe , what is the deal? you’re noticing all these other chicks . . . maybe . . .
you’re a lesbian .
she looks at me and she says , i wish i was a lesbian .
now , at that point i wanted to say , you mean ’you wish you were a lesbian’ because ,
grammatically . . . but i let it slide . i didn’t wanna ruffle any feathers .
but , ya know , that sentence , that retort , “i wish i was a lesbian” . . . kinda stuck in the
ole laud – o’s mind . kinda gestated there for seven , eight minutes then this tune popped out . . .

G
G – – – – – –
i wish i was a lesbian and not a hetero
G D
i wouldn’t have to mess with men and all their come – and – go
G D
and all that awful facial hair and yucky “ma – chis – mo”
C G – –
ooooooo , i wish i was a lesbian and not a hetero
G C
i wish i was a lesbian and that i wasn’t straight
G D
i would sleep with women only; man , that would be great
G D
i could throw away my diaphragm; i wouldn’t wanna mate
C G – –
ooooooo , i wish i was a lesbian and that i wasn’t straight

hey!

G
i wish i was a lesbian; i’d like to be a dyke
G D
i would hang with k . D . lang; mel gibson , take a hike
G C
i think it would be nice to love someone who was alike
C G
ooooooo , i wish i was a lesbian; i’d like to be a dyke

G D
i wish i was a lesbian; that’s why this song is sung
G D
it shouldn’t have to matter how someone is hung
G C
other things are more important . . . like how to use yor
C
tounge . . . bablblblb
G
i wish i was a lesbian; that’s why this song is sung
D ( etc . . . to the end )
heeeeeey!

i dare casey kasem to play this

i wish i was a lesbian; i know it’s sad , but true
but maybe i might understand you guys and all you do
but if i was a lesbian , i wouldn’t have to
i wish i was a lesbian; i know it’s sad , but true

hey , i wish i was a lesbian and not a hetero
i wouldn’t have to mess with men and all their come – and – go
and all that awful facial hair and yucky “ma – chis – mo” ( i hate that damned machismo! )
ooooooo , i wish i was a lesbian and not a hetero
i wish i was a lesbian and not a hetero
i wish i was a lesbian and not a hetero!