Half Man Half Biscuit - Rsvp

( intro F C F C F C A# C7 )

F Dm
on the bleakest day autumn could muster
A# C
in a church to which they’ll not return
F Dm
i thought back to a time when i could trust her
F A# C
to a time when there wasn’t john byrne .
Gm A#
and in a cruel twist of fate which so often
F C
occurs in tales such as this
F Dm
i found myself catering reception
A# C
and there were urges i had to resist .
F Dm
not least ’cos john byrne is much fitter
F A# C C7
and the straightener to him holds no fears
F A7 Dm A#
so if the chocolate in the fountain tastes bitter
F C F ( as intro )
it’s because it’s been laced with my tears .
F Dm
celebrations were well underway when
A# C
her father prayed silence and spoke
F Dm
he said “it’s not like i’m losing a daughter as . . . ”
A# C
( violently starting to choke ) .
Gm A#
and in a gesture which said “i’m fast fading
F C
could somebody dial 999?”
F Dm
he valiantly toasted my capers
F A# C
with a glass of what he thought was wine .
F Dm A# C
it was gone half past ten before folk cottoned on
F A A# ( instr )
by which time i’d landed in wick .
F Dm
so if what’s in the fondue’s to die for
F A# C C7
it’s got nothing to do with the cheese
F A7 Dm F
and if what’s in the punchbowl seems lethal
A# C F
it’s because it’s two – thirds anti – freeze .