Half Man Half Biscuit - Letters Sent

E
keeper you’ve just made a decent save

so why d’you feel the need to rant and rave?
A
screaming at defenders makes you look dead stupid
E
especially when they haven’t done much wrong .
B A E
please cease the trait .

thank you to whoever found my purse

also when i fell , the passing nurse
A
and when in my coma as i tried to bludgeon
E
chartist demonstrators in the square .
B A E B A E
those on the ward , yours much restored .

i disagree entirely with your choice

peetie wheatstraw has a better voice
A
i’d like to warn your readers; stapeley water gardens
E
a nice day out but best to take a flask .
B A E B A E
dear miss mcveigh , it pains me to say
B A E B A E
the school choir was dull and the blame lies with you .

sewage farm an absolute disgrace

picnic table somewhat out of place
A
leisure centre cashpoint always out of order
E
and there’s too much chlorine in the pool .
B A E B A E
thirteen across – where was the clue?
B A E B A E
bird on the wire – len , you’re the dogs .